The Federal Government will ban all non-prescription vaping products, after evidence emerged that using the products could make you look like a dickhead.
Health researcher Sam Terragul said an extensive enquiry into the industry had provided irrefutable evidence of the dangers of vaping.
“If you vape, you could get cancer. But more concerningly you’ll look like a clown-act on a steam train. What are you doing, auditioning for a role on Thomas the Tank Engine? Off you toot!” he said.
Health Minister Mark Butler said the tobacco industry was trying to create a new generation of stupid looking tools whose personality is completely tied to being able to blow smoke in the air. “‘It’s the bitcoin of smoking products. The last thing we want to do is normalise putting a re-chargeable smoking pencil in your mouth. The government is determined to stamp out this ridiculous epidemic”.
With Matt Harvey @mattharveystuff