The real reason for the cancellation of the US President’s trip to Australia has been revealed, after The White House confirmed it was concerned about the NSW Police policy of tasering the elderly.
“We would have had a situation where an elderly man, brandishing a pen he’s just used to sign an international agreement, is slowly walking towards a crowd of people. He’d be tasered within seconds,” a spokesperson for the Secret Service said.
NSW Police confirmed the threat of an 80-year-old walking freely amongst other Quad-partner delegates was too great. “Who knows what could happen? You can imagine a scenario where a conversation at the post-conference networking event turns sour, and all of a sudden you have an octogenarian charging at a slow walking pace towards delegates wielding a canape toothpick, or worse, a swizzle stick. We would’ve had to neutralise that threat,” a police official explained.
The White House said Biden would remain in the safety of the United States, where police officers never use tasers. “Semi-automatic rifles, sure. Tasers, never”.
Headline by Anthony Bell